Variety is the spice of life?
We are bought up to believe that choice is the best thing for us. Whether it’s supermarkets stocking different versions of what is essentially exactly the same item, 20 different colours of the same top or thousands of different eligible bachelors or bachelorettes on your chosen online dating platform. The premise is, if there’s loads of choice, there must be someone out there for you. This is what attracts so many people to online dating.
The paradox of choice.
It is widely believed that choice = freedom and that it can only be a good thing. Barry Schwartz author of ‘The Paradox of Choice’ explains how this is not the case. He believes that the more choice you have, the easier it is to feel regret over a decision when it has disappointing outcomes. The crazy thing is, I can totally relate to this in terms of my experience of online dating. Back when I was using Tinder frequently, every time I was disappointed by a date I beat myself up over making the wrong choice. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m literally the personification of stress and anxiety so it’s in my nature to over think things. I’d ask myself; should I have swiped right for someone else instead? Am I choosing the wrong kind of people? What is wrong with me? It’s stressful and it’s overwhelming.
And of course, it’s not just the people you have to choose, it’s the dating app too. There are thousands of dating sites and apps to choose from and it’s a common worry that the ‘soulmate’ you desire, could potentially be on a different dating app altogether. Therefore, the worry is that you’ll never find each other. Tinder was enough stress for me, but this concern actually drives people to sign up to multiple dating apps, resulting in even more choice and even more stress.
Out with the old, in with the new.
It’s no secret that most people portray their best side on social media. People choose to display themselves as shining examples of human beings with perfect lives and omit lacklustre details. Don’t get me wrong, I’m certainly no exception. My Facebook, Twitter and my old Tinder account are swamped with vain selfies and pictures that display my ‘wild’ social life, when in reality I spend most of my nights alone with a Domino’s and re-runs of 90210. Dan Ariely believes that because representations of people are so different in online dating apps, you can’t see the flaws. Whereas In a face-to face date, you learn that a person “disappoints you in many ways”.
This can cause all kinds of issues for modern relationships. If you’re with your partner every day, you see their flaws and things that disappoint you. Therefore, this can make the options online seem much more appealing, as there are no visible faults. After an argument with your partner, you can be left thinking “I could have someone else with one click”.
The endless choices of online dating can lead to people not wanting to make efforts in their relationships. Ariely uses an example of the lease of a flat. If you were on a day-to-day lease of a flat, how much would you invest in it? Would you paint the walls or change the carpet? Probably not, when you could have anywhere else. It’s the same with a relationship. If you think of a relationship in day-to-day terms, you won’t want to commit or invest in it. Therefore, the relationship will ultimately fail. Why invest and work at a relationship when you can have a seemingly perfect one just a click away?
Hook-ups vs Relationships.
If you’re looking for a hook-up then yes, possibly choice could be a fine thing. However if you’re after a relationship, my personal advice to you, is to try and steer clear of dating apps. From my experience, what you see is not what you get in online dating. A photo and a character limited bio is not a clear representation of a complex human being with emotions and life experiences. And if you’re thinking about leaving your relationships in pursuit of the ‘wonderful’ human beings on Tinder, please think twice.
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