What is Ghosting?
Online dating allows users to simply never message back if a date doesn’t work out. It gives users the option to ‘opt out’ of a break-up or any kind of difficult conversations. Ghosting has to be one of the most upsetting aspects of online dating. As I mentioned in my last blog post, there’s a lot of pressure that is involved in online dating and these feelings of stress and anxiety are only heightened for victims of ghosting.
Ghosting isn’t exclusive to online dating but is most common in online dating and digital communication with 11% of Americans admitting to ‘ghosting’ someone on dating sites. To put it simply, ghosting is basically allowing a relationship to die without ever saying it’s over. To have no closure from someone can effect aspects such as self esteem and confidence, it creates a state of limbo for the ghosted and may even deter them from dating in the future.
Thankfully for me, my personal experiences of Ghosting have never been that serious. There was one guy who never messaged me back after a date but I wasn’t hurt by it. I thought it was rude that he didn’t reply but I didn’t see it going anywhere anyway so my experience was pretty minimal. However, friends of mine have been heartbroken over men and women cutting contact after 3/4 months of messaging and dating. Ghosting is looked down upon by most, many describing it as a cowardly and weak way to end a relationship. So why do people do it?
Why do people Ghost?
Here’s an example, if two people met through a friend or hung out in the same friendship group and decided to go on a date and it didn’t work out, ghosting wouldn’t occur because these people would still be involved in each others lives through mutual friends. They would most likely have an awkward conversation about ending it and hope to still be friends. However, in the context of online dating, it becomes clear to see why ghosting is so common. There’s nothing that connects the people on dating apps apart from the messages that are exchanged. They are essentially strangers. Therefore, it makes cutting someone off or breaking up as simple as never messaging them again. This means that they don’t have to have any difficult conversations or explanations and ‘spare’ the other persons feelings.
I feel like this is a huge part of the reason why online dating and modern romance really really sucks. Online dating is so dehumanising that people probably don’t even realise that the other person could get hurt. All people see is a picture of a person. And then there’s the people who purposefully play games. Can’t we all just be honest with each other? If you like someone, tell them, if you don’t, for the love of god tell them. Don’t disappear off the internet without a trace leaving people to wallow in their shattered self esteem. Sort it out online dating world!
Don’t be a Ghost.
I’m really not one to preach, but if you take anything away from this blog, please think twice before ghosting. You may feel like you’re sparing someones feelings or that your date ‘wasn’t a big deal’ but you never truly know how the other person felt about it. People forget that there are real human beings with emotions behind the pictures on dating sites. Think before you ghost.
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